The Humor and Life, in Particular Web site
author:   Margie Culbertson



November/December 2000 Humor Writing Contest Winner
Best "Very Short" Humor!


Telling Time Is Not As Easy As It Looks

By

Jerry Schatz


Learning to tell time doesn't have to be a psychologically traumatic experience, but to me it was. My mother, otherwise a great mom, thought that I, at four–years–old or so, should have that skill. To that end she drew a series of clock–faces with hands in different positions and instructed me to puzzle–out what, to me, was a hopelessly arcane and confusing exercise. I didn't do well at all. For several weeks I had nightmares about snarling clocks. I overheard my mom saying to my dad, "Frank, I'm afraid your son may have a severe learning disability." My father took my side. As I remember he said something like, "Whaddaya mean MY son?" My dad always took my side.

I didn't know what a learning disability was, but I was pretty sure it wasn't good and that it had something to do with not being able to tell time. At that age I was not one to displease his mother. After all, I was in no position to cut out on my own. I applied myself, and by sixteen I was able to tell time with the best of them. I did not own a wristwatch, however, until I was 37. That's when they came out with digital watches. If my trusty digital timepiece read 7:24, then by God that's what time it was!

What my mother never knew was that sometimes when I'm very tired and someone asks me what time it is, and I'm wearing my expensive watch with hands and all, I have a tendency to say, "The big hand is on the three and the little hand is on the two."

But I'm still trying, mom.


©Jerry Schatz

ABOUT the author:

My name is frequently mentioned, by me, at some of the most glittering literary soirees. This is invariably followed by, "Who?" I've been waiting for my former neighbor, John Updike, to drop the baton. Sucker's got a death–grip on it. In the meantime I've been hard at work on my epic poem, Felix, the Idiot–King of Paoli. I've completed 400,000 words. The writing will probably go faster once I've finished the introduction. Don't look for it in the bookstores any time soon.


You can read more of Jerry's writing at his website: Click HERE.





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©Margie Culbertson




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